In the introductory episode, we learn what catharsis is and how it can be used to help release emotion when life gets overwhelming. Andrew also explains his rational for starting a podcast and how it could help others.
Follow along with the transcript: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1960832/10453595
Follow the show on social media: @catharticpod
In the introductory episode, we learn what catharsis is and how it can be used to help release emotion when life gets overwhelming. Andrew also explains his rational for starting a podcast and how it could help others.
Follow along with the transcript: https://www.buzzsprout.com/1960832/10453595
Follow the show on social media: @catharticpod
So, this is not meant to be the kind of podcast where the host says, “This is my story. This is what I have done. It was very difficult, or it was very easy, and you can do it too.”
And then, there's an expectation that you do it either by the podcast host, or society, or yourself. This podcast is actually supposed to be something like, yes, this is my story. This is what I've gone through. This is what I deal with every day and it's really hard, and other people are feeling this too.
That's what this is about. There's no end point of, “follow my footsteps and you too will be OK,” because there's a lot of the time that I'm not OK.
And as the current trendy statement goes, it's OK not to be OK, and that's what this is about. This is about showing the difficulties that I have experienced and that I continue to experience, but also my successes and praiseworthy moments or whatever you want to call them, and letting you know that those feelings exist.
So, it's OK if you have them too.
Now I hope that some of the strategies and situations and so on that I'll go over will be helpful to you; that is partly the point of this, the other being that this is some new form of therapy for me, but my role as an educator is something that I have always taken seriously and do take seriously.
And I think that the approach that I use when I'm in the classroom, which is one of compassion and empathy and understanding, I think that that translates into podcast format.
So, the reason that I'm doing this podcast is very much related to the name of the podcast, which is officially Clearly Cathartic: Disempowering the Shame of Mental Illness.
This is clearly cathartic for me. I am in part embarking on this journey, trying something new because it is going to, it has already helped me sort through my feelings and view myself in sort of a different light. I suppose maybe stepping back from myself.
When I am in the classroom and subjects come up that may be difficult to talk about for many teachers, for many... humans, those are the moments that I really enjoy.
For example, teaching the health curriculum in any particular province or state or district or jurisdiction is usually pushed to the end of the year.
It's something that teachers don't want to spend a lot of time on, even though they recognize the importance of it, especially if their students are in the early grades when that's the first that these kids are hearing about things such as puberty.
But the teachers don't like to get into it because it's difficult.
I suppose one of the reasons that I do like getting into that stuff is because it's difficult.
When I discuss issues related to mental health as well, it's the same thing.
I find that students really listen and really want to know what we are telling them as teachers.
But they need it to be accessible. They need it to be real and authentic, and not just from a textbook, you know, literally and figuratively.
And that's the difference that I make in the classroom, just to brush my shoulders off there a little bit.
I do discuss things in a real way, in a very respectful and serious, but an open way.
And that's when kids, students, teenagers feel that what I'm talking about actually matters, that what we're doing at that moment is something that they want to pay attention to because it's got real life implications; immediate, direct real-life implications, especially during the time of COVID, as it's taken such a such a toll on the mental health of our youth.
So other teachers try to do their best obviously, but the material they present is not done so in an authentic, relatable way, it's done from the point of view of educating — educating in a way that uses facts to explain, which is very important. Not to say that shouldn't be done.
But then I come in as a teacher who has gone through mental health struggles for a good portion, if not all of my life.
And I'm at the point in my own “mental health journey,” that I can see that... it hurts.
And other people are hurting too. And that hurts. It hurts that other people are hurting and I know that this works as a way of helping other people.
It's effective, it works, it's... Talking about our own struggles and our own accomplishments, you know, in a balanced way, presents the students with this understanding of, whether they grab onto it or not, I don't know, but it gives them the chance to see others hurting too.
And I think that this podcast will allow more people to feel that they are not alone.
I don't claim to be any sort of mental health professional. Everything that I say in this podcast is what I have learned. These are things that I have learned out of my own interest or for my own sanity, possibly literally, but I present them all in good faith. This is meant to be a cathartic experience that provides enough information, to help whoever needs it, make it through to the next day.
The first memory that I have of seeing the world through an emotional lens and sort of being aware that I was seeing it through an emotional lens, was when I was probably about 8 or 9 and I was in the basement of a house that we lived at at the time in an empty room that was soon going to become my bedroom.
And I was there with a cat that we had. It was my parents' cat originally, but he was maybe 10 years old or somewhere around there at this point.
Anyway, he was a very lovely guy. His name was Rascal. I remember him being just a gentle big, long-haired orange fluffy guy, and I loved him very much. He was one of the first, well, the first pet, I guess that I remember, him and one other cat that we had at that time, so it still holds a very special place in my heart.
And I remember being down in this room and there was music on in the house somewhere. I don't think I was the one playing it. If I was playing it, it was just, I don't know, just the radio playing or something.
That's something that's a central theme of this podcast, even though I'm not musically inclined, it will pop up from time to time.
So, this music was playing, and I don't know the song, it was likely just a generic pop song on the radio in what would have been probably 1990 or somewhere thereabouts.
And the song that was playing though, it had a particular melody and rhythm and time signature and, it was played in a particular key that really resonated with me.
And I can remember petting Rascal at the moment and feeling the song, in a way that I still do today for a number of pieces of music, but that I think this was the first time it had, maybe you could say moved me.
And the point of this story is that the words of that song did not matter. Like, there were lyrics, there were song lyrics, but I remember realizing that those words were meaningless at that point because this this deep, intense, yet sort of dull feeling that I had received, that I was experiencing was very clearly for me at the time, very clearly linked to the music.
And my mom came in the room at that point, and I remember saying something to that effect, that I just realized that the words in the song don't mean anything because the background music is what's important.
I don't necessarily think or not think that right now, but at the time that was, that was my level of understanding of it from what I had just experienced.
And my mom, I can remember her saying, something like brushing it off, like, “Oh, of course the words are important.” You know, they're in the song. That's what the song is about.
And that confused me. I can feel that confusion still.
That feeling of, “Well, what I just experienced does not line up with what you just said,” which is, that is something we have all felt throughout life.
But for like a roughly 8-year-old kid, feeling that after having sort of an intense emotional feeling, and being able to link it to something. That was very odd that somebody would say that, “Nope,” you know, “the words do matter. You listened wrong or something.” Not that my mom would ever say I listened wrong, but that's the impression that I got. That's what I inferred from the situation.
I suppose after my first experience with Rascal, our family, cat, and hearing music at the time and petting the cat and feeling the situation rather than thinking about the situation, I suppose after that event it would have happened a number of times over the years. I was certainly a very... emotional kid, I guess you could say. Strong emotions.
That is definitely related to many other issues I am sure but, in light of this idea of catharsis, I experienced catharsis, and did not know it.
I did not have the ability or the understanding, or possibly even the brain capacity being so young, to be able to step back and see things from an objective point of view.
So, I have many memories of being, profoundly, deeply sad, and tormented by feelings a number of times in my young life.
And I can't place those. I can't tell you when or where, I just, I have this this feeling memory, this memory of feelings.
And, it wasn't until I actually got to the point, much older in my life when I was, when I returned to university and I was taking in my early 20s, I was taking a course on Greek mythology.
That's when I first learned about this idea of catharsis as a thing, as a strategy, as a tool.
I had never heard of it before, like purposely finding something difficult to observe in order to release emotion.
Which is what catharsis is, it's an intentional release of emotion. By watching or taking part in something emotive, sad.
And it was Aristotle, actually, who had this idea and how it related to drama. I think I'm getting that right. If it's wrong, please let me know. I believe it was Aristotle though, who had this idea in his book the Poetics about... being able to release emotion through drama or something else.
And I believe the story goes that in Greek dramas, in Greek plays they would often have these tragic endings; hence, you know, Greek tragedies and the point was that everybody died, or nothing got better, or the hero lost, and the spectators knew that. That would be the case because it was a tragedy and that's what they wanted.
It was a sort of communal letting go, a communal freeing of emotion.
So, that shocked me. That blew me away, that that was possible all my life and even though I was quite, uh, quite a ways into my mental health struggles and journey at that point. Just the idea that it was not even like a new thing. That for thousands of years, and thousands of years ago, this was a recognized societal need.
And we lost that along the way. I mean, for a number of reasons, I mean, societies are just evolving entities and there's no good or bad reason for things to leave or enter, but that one maybe should have stuck around.
I think one of the reasons that I have this compassion towards others, compassion for others is partly because of my mental health struggles.
One of the strategies, I'll just call it a strategy, one of the outlooks maybe is a better way to put it, that I have learned along the way is all about self-compassion. Taking an active interest in how you are, yourself, how you are feeling.
It's something that is very difficult to do. From my point of view, it was difficult because, well, my theory is that we are all told to, instructed to be strong and, you know, be able to withstand difficult times in life and then you'll be happy and you know, put on a happy face and keep smiling, you know, stay positive all that.
And when you can't do that, when you honestly try, and you want to, but for whatever reason you can't do that, you feel like you failed.
And then, that sense of shame comes in where you can't do the thing that society says you're supposed to be able to do. And successful people, you know, that they stay positive and they push through.
And it's just so hard to do for some of us.
For me it was hard to be able to, I guess, pretend.
And I had significant issues because of that.
Not least of which was when I started learning about self-compassion and then the need for it and the importance of it.
It was embarrassing even just to think about, you know, because it's related to those thoughts of: you are not good enough. This this is an idea that maybe some people can do, but you can't do it.
But as I've worked through it, worked with self-compassion over the years, I'm at the place now where I realize that having self-compassion for yourself, having it for myself, actually allows me to extend that compassion to other people.
And it's not just a, it's not just the word compassion and, “oh, I feel sorry for other people.” It's like a deep, true sense of empathy and compassion and understanding of how much things can actually hurt, mentally and physically as a result of that mental pain.
Because life is not easy sometimes, for some of us obviously life is easier than others. I recognize that my position as a white heterosexual male is a privileged one.
I very much try to learn everything I can about that and how it has helped me, but also how it has hurt others. But also from my place, as somebody who has been struggling with mental health issues since, well, officially since I was 15 or 16, but definitely before that, it's important to have that compassion for others.
And I can see it, I can feel it, I know how others are hurting.
For me, the way that I experience catharsis, the majority of the time is through music.
I am not a musical person. I feel that I can sing somewhat decently, but I cannot read music despite having taken courses and tried my best to do it. I understand the concept, I just can't remember everything.
I can't play an instrument very well at all, but music has always been such a large part of my life, and well, going back to about grade six, I guess definitely part of my adolescence and my adult life.
And I get my catharsis from music. I have a catharsis playlist on my phone. It is a tool that I use when I can feel that I have an emotional buildup.
Emotions are not separate from us, but they are certainly not our thoughts. They are. They are feelings that come up and we can recognize them and note them as being there, but, if possible, we can also look at them as a thing that we are feeling and then snap back to reality, right? Like, “Oh, that's a feeling. That's an emotion.”
Now when your emotions are as intense as they can be for me, sometimes you do get caught up in them and it does become your thoughts. Emotions do become your thoughts.
But when I feel that buildup coming, and I recognize that as I, you know, I maybe had a really bad day, or I've been feeling depressed for several days in a row and that you know, pings an alarm in my head that, “Oh, we've got to watch out for a depressive episode coming,” I do play this cathartic playlist and it...
I don't think the word is sad. It doesn't make me sad. The songs don't make me sad; they make me emotional in a sad sort of way. It's not true sadness I'm experiencing though. It's something else, you know, there's not, there maybe needs to be a new word for it, but it's the experience of, the heavy feeling in my chest, in my guts.
The weight of the emotion. I feel it physically like this. This feeling of confinement, almost of needing to let it out and sometimes I do. Sometimes I do cry when I listen to these songs.
Very much though afterwards I feel, if not better, okayish, compared with how I was feeling before.
It's not something that I tend to do, where I take stock of it afterwards, which maybe I should do. But definitely the feelings have subsided.
And the same is obviously true for when we want to influence our mood in a positive way.
I can think of a couple of times also in my life where I've thought, I need to be upbeat or happy for this particular moment, maybe the school day is starting and I'm not awake yet. You know, so you throw on some, some get-up music or something that you that you like to sing along with and that does influence our mood in a positive way. That would make me happier and bouncier perhaps.
But if you feel the kind of feelings that I do in these situations when you feel weighed down by the immense pressure and weight of your feelings, something that's not really easy to put into words... If you feel this often as well and you have not yet started your own catharsis playlist, I really do suggest that you try it.
You may have a couple songs that you do that for already, but actually try to do it as a playlist.
Name it, you know Catharsis or whatever you want to name it, but whenever you're listening to music, if you're listening to music on your phone at least, and a song comes along where you get a bit of a ping of feeling, that kernel of something dark and scribbly-lined in your chest, add that to your catharsis playlist. You don't have to listen to that song right at that moment. You could. That, you know, that's up to you to figure out, but that that's my strategy.
That's what I suggest you do, and then over the course of days and weeks you will slowly accumulate this list that makes you feel that, that feeling.
And then that list will be ready for you when you need to let it out.
Your system, your process is, is going to be different than everyone else’s, I suppose. Definitely different than mine, but I think that having a go-to playlist is a strategy that anyone interested in music and who feels deep emotion that builds up, it's a tool that you could definitely use as a way of releasing or exploring and experiencing what it is that you're feeling.
So, what is catharsis?
What is clearly cathartic for me?
This is a chance to process and experience the many feelings, often heavy and difficult feelings that build up in me throughout the course of a day.
And it allows me to process it and it allows me to share with others that it's OK to do that.
And it's OK to hurt.
It feels bad, feels very bad.
It feels... impossible, but it is a thing that happens, and if you are able to understand it, not just intellectually, but viscerally, that it is a thing that happens and, you know, you lean into it, it gets easier to deal with over time.
It takes a while.
But it is something that is worth doing, I think.
So that's the first episode of this podcast.
I hope this show gave you some insight into what catharsis is and how it can be another tool in your own mental health toolbox.
In the coming episodes we will go over some of the mental health issues and struggles that I've been through, without sharing too much personal information about others around me in my life.
I am hoping to be able to provide insight into some of the various disorders that I have been labeled with over the years.
Thank you very much for listening. Please take care of yourself.